ADVICE AND HELP TO THE CAMPER
- If you need peace and quiet when camping in a campsite, a tuba placed on your dining table will keep the pitches on either side vacant.
- Always check if your tent has unwanted guests. Acupuncture was invented by a camper who found a hedgehog in his sleeping bag.
- If there’s no way to light the barbecue, the lint from your belly button makes a practical fire starter. ATTENTION: Remove lint from belly button before using the match.
- When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.
- Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam of light shines out the other ear, don’t go camping alone.
- The sight of a bald eagle has enchanted visitors for generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.
- The number of mosquitoes at any given location is inversely proportional to the amount of repellent that remains.
- Given the opportunity, matches will find a way to get wet.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
In case anyone is considering doing some camping this spring or summer, please note the following public service announcement: In a forest, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in wolf territory. The bells warn away MOST wolfs. Tourists are also cautioned to watch the ground on the trail, paying particular attention to wolf droppings to be alert for the presence of wolfs. One can tell a wolf dropping because it has tiny bells in it.
REAL DETECTIVE WORK!
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal, they lay down for the night and went to sleep on their tent. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
Holmes said: “Watson, look up and tell me what you see”.
Watson said: “I see a fantastic panorama of countless stars”.
Holmes: “And what does that tell you?”
Watson pondered for a moment: “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why? What does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes was silent for a moment then spoke: “Someone has stolen our tent.”